Insomnia

The ceaseless night caressed me as I lay in bed waiting to finally be allowed to sleep. I watched the stars taunt, heard the floorboards creak, felt every movement and shift of the body under me as I tossed and turned yearning for the position that would finally ease my troubled mind, but to no avail. I would tell myself I was weak for not being able to accomplish as simple a task as sleeping. The neon numbers on the clock beside my bed changed, each minute growing longer than the last. I scanned the dark room with eyes that adjusted to darkness long ago. Silence blanketed the room, allowing for me to hear only the restlessness of my own breathing. I thought of the day that would come after, anxieties filling my head to the brim. I thought of the day to come, and how fatigued I would inevitably have been. The events to come would each have a wicked hand in wearing me down, until I gave into them, and relinquished myself to be out of commission.


The day to come weighed me down, and I didn’t even experience it yet. From my window I gazed out at the stars once again. I would watch them and ask which one held a fresh hell for me to suffer through. I would also watch them and ask which one of them could guide me through said fresh hell. Which star would be the one to give me a hope for the tomorrow that I, admittedly, was not ecstatic about. I watched the stars as the night transitioned to late night, as late night transitioned to daybreak, and as daybreak transitioned to early morning. I watched the sunrise alone, in a comfortable silence. The anxieties in my head, though still present, grew quieter to the point where they almost became a whisper. The bags under my eyes did not cease growing heavier, but they seemed to have slowed down the rate in which they grew. The alarm went off and I sat in bed, wide awake. I was tired, this was true. But in that moment I decided, maybe things might not be so bad.

© 2018 Cecevex