will it get better?

 I, of course, am by no means an authority on any facet of life, but I am here to pose the question. 

“Does it get better?”

Well to answer that one, we need a bit more clarification. Does what exactly get better? You may be thinking “life.” Does life get better? Depending on who you ask and their disposition on the pessimist-optimist scale, you will likely get different answers. But the question you need to be asking, is how can you make life better for yourself? 

I don’t mean this in a “work hard and all your dreams will come true,” sort of way. But rather in a “what can you do to make living a little less hard on yourself,” sort of way. 

For me, it’s focusing on the little things.

From going places you’ve never been before, feeling the awe and amazement and almost childlike wonder that compels you to wander. Wondering where you’ll go from there.

To the way your cat looks at you. Wondering if you’ve come to play with them. 

To taking walks by yourself when the day is nearing dusk, and the streets begin to slow.

Wondering when the next walk will be.

To the way the sunlight hits just right and the perfect time for you to capture the picture, and think to yourself “wow, I got a good photo!” Wondering when you’ll take your next favorite shot.

I truly can’t say for sure if it objectively gets better, I don’t think anyone can. And staying hopeful is an optimistic way to look at it, but from the point of someone with a chronic illness and anxiety disorder, this worldview is not always attainable. 

However, once you begin to romanticize the world around you, then you can start to romanticize the world within you as well.

For me small happinesses can be found in a warm shower on a cold night. Or learning a new word in a language I’m studying. Even in changing the water in the fish tank.

If the tiniest thing brings you joy, you should let it. You deserve to feel giddy at a rerun of your favorite show. Or feel butterflies at the sight of that one person online that you may or may not know. You deserve the happiness you feel at even the smallest of small things, and you shouldn’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

And maybe, just maybe, you won’t be afraid of having hope.