Circles

The crackling of a lit fire resonates through the room as the girl sits on the floor, patching up the foot of her companion. The fireplace is the only source of light at the moment, which makes it that much harder for the girl to see. He is not much older than her, but that doesn’t mean he won’t be more adventurous than her. That and the fact that he's allowed to be adventurous, a luxury she may never have. She adjusts her positions on the floor to better assess the wound on his leg that he’d picked up earlier that day. She sighs as she grows frustrated trying to dress the minor flesh wound.

“Ow. You’re pulling too hard,” the young man grumbles. She is fully aware she is pulling too hard, but this is the only way she can get the bandage to stretch around his ankle. It is at this exact point that she wishes she could call her mother or father from their room to help her. But she knows she can’t. If she does, both she and her friend will get in trouble, and he will suffer the most consequences. She knows she shouldn’t have brought him here in the first place—knowing that having a male at the house may taint her reputation and availability—and the fact that she has and hasn’t gotten caught yet baffles her, yet she doesn’t complain.

“I know Kai, I’m sorry.” She bites back any comments she had and finishes up her patch job. She inspects it once, raises her body off the ground and hovers over him, still inspecting it. “I’m done now. How is it?” 

Kai touches the newly bandaged spot with the curiosity and gentleness of a newborn kitten. He smiles up at her, and thanks her quietly so as not to wake her parents in the upstairs room. She quells a twinge of pride that threatens to rise in her, and moves a strand of her hair from her face. 

“You should leave now, your brother will get suspicious.” She warns him, but Kai couldn’t care less. He gets off the chair and hugs her, the wide smile still on his face. 

“Thank you so much for always worrying about me, Lilly.” She can’t help but return the hug. He was right after all. She worried about him so much, it almost became a pastime for her. He’s one of the only true friends she knows she has, one of the only ones always there for her, not to mention the only one that listens. She wishes she could invite him to stay with her, maybe watch a movie with her. However, she knows she can’t, she knows her parents would never accept this. But that won't stop her from dreaming about it.

“Don’t worry about it Kai, you really should get home.” She pulls away from the hug and looks down as she says these words, knowing she probably says it like he’s overstayed his welcome. He knows better than that though. He knows what she means when she says those words. He knows that either of her parents can enter the room at any time and catch them. She begins to stutter and mumble out words in an attempt to clarify what she meant. He chuckles and releases her from the hug.

“It’s ok. I know what you mean.” He smiles as he walks toward the door with Lilly on his heels. As they go farther from the fireplace in the room, their colors begin to dim. Kai’s cinnamon brown hair now resembles his older brother’s dark brown hair rather than his own, and his light beige skin strangely seems to glow just a bit as they distance themselves even more from the light of the hearth. He bends down in front of the doorway to put on the shoes he abandoned in order to walk around the carpeted room. Lilly can’t help but feel as though it’s her fault that he has to go. As he opens the door handle to exit, Lilly grabs his hand over the handle to prevent him from turning it as she glances at the digital clock on the wall.

“It’s late, it’s e-eleven o’clock. It’s not safe to walk outside at this time. Maybe you can s-stay?” Lilly can feel her heart pounding as she says these words. She knows that she really shouldn’t be offering something if she can’t follow through with it, and that she sounds too indecisive for her own good, but she can’t let him go just like that. He looks her deep in the eyes, and grins once again. 

“I’ll be fine, I promise. We have class tomorrow anyways, I really should be getting home. I’ll call you when I get there.” He reassures her. She releases her grip on his hand to allow him access to the door. He waves goodbye to her as he exits the house closing the door behind him. 

She locks the now shut door behind him. She walks back to the fireplace and uses a small shovel to separate the logs and slowly put out the fire. This process took her about fifteen minutes before she was completely sure the fire was out. As she sits there in dark, the realization hits her. 

She’s alone again. Glancing once more at the clock, she notices the time gets dangerously close to twelve in the morning. Lilly gets up and dusts her hands on her skirt. She tiptoes up the stairs as not to wake her parents. She was supposed to be in bed by ten, if she’s found out, she will be scolded. At this moment, a scolding was something she decides she was better off without. She hurries to the bathroom to wash her and brush her teeth. She looks at the mirror once more before she leaves, and looks away in antipathy. She doesn’t know why she hates the sight of herself, especially when she’s the only one who been there her entire life. Lilly enters her bedroom dark bedroom, the only light in the room pours through parts and spaces in the curtains. She changes into her pajamas and lays in her bed. Although she’s aware she won’t be sleeping anytime soon. She lays staring at random objects in the room, illuminated by the blue light invited in by the old curtains. Her train of thought breaks as her phone begins to vibrate furiously. Lilly immediately picks up the phone after realizing who is on the other end. 

“Hello?” She questions in a whisper, hoping Kai still hear her muted voice. 

“Hey Lilly! I’m home now, ok? You can go to sleep now.” He jokes from behind the phone, not even knowing the depth and truth behind his words. However, he does  know that she probably wouldn’t be going to sleep anytime soon anyways. 

“Are you busy?” Lilly asks, her voice shaking as she does so. 

“Um not really, do you need help with something?” The caring tone in his voice makes her feel as though she would always be safe with him. But she’s already asked that question, she can’t just say never mind anymore.

“Can you talk to me? I mean, to help me fall asleep,” she lies. She won’t be able to fall asleep while he’s talking. As soothing as his voice sounds to her, or as boring as the topic may be, she won’t be able to bring herself to drift to sleep. 

“Yeah sure! I don’t mind,” he knows she’s lying, that the only reason she wants him to talk to her is so she doesn’t feel lonely. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Are you ready for the test tomorrow?” she pulls a random topic from the top of her head. A good topic at least, since he begins to ramble on about it. She smiles to herself as she realizes how much trouble he goes through for her. This is already the third time she’s kept him awake past twelve on the phone this week. It may not mean much to anyone else, but she knows that Kai loves his rest, so just the fact that he would give it up for her means so much more than anyone would ever know. 

Morning has long since come and gone, and she waits now for Kai to walk home together.Lilly stands in front of the schoolyard waiting for Kai to appear. She gets out earlier than he does, but she stays behind every day to wait for him. She gazes around the sea of students that rush of the building, no doubt, eager to leave. When she first catches sight of him, it feels to her like a switch clicks. Almost as if her mind is telling her it's okay to be happy now. 

“Lilly!” He yells at the top of his lungs, he's undoubtedly caught sight of her too. Although it wouldn’t be too hard to find a female in a sea of almost all males, especially not when they're scarce. She waves him over to her as she knows she can't leave the spot without being stampeded. When he finally comes over to her, they begin to walk in the same direction, aimlessly at first. 

“Will your parents let you come over to my house?” he asks her. He knows they'll likely say no, but it's worth a try. Lilly whips out her phone and calls her household. She asks the voice on the other end of the phone if she would be allowed, and to both her shock and confusion, the voice allows it. She ends the conversation as quickly and politely as possible, in case they decide to change their mind. 

“They said yes. My parents said yes,” she tells Kai, in a way that seems almost as if she was questioning it herself. She knows that’s unlike her parents, but she’s surely not going to question something that benefits her. She and Kai walk alongside each other the whole way, passing by many onlookers on the street, she realizes how strange they must look. They do not look strange together because they’re different races, they do not look strange because there’s a height difference, they look strange because to see a female around Lilly’s age is a truly rare sight. In the small town they reside in, the population is small enough as is, the population of females make up less than ten percent of that. Most of the women they’d pass by or see in the street were around Lilly’s mother’s age, or older. This was the reason why most younger females were promised in marriage to those their parents deemed as suitable mates, Lilly included. 

Being stared at bothered Lilly when she was younger, but now, it became just another daily occurrence for her. Perhaps it’s due to her gradually becoming numb to everything around her. However, she can’t help but wonder if it bothers Kai. She turns to him the with the intent to ask him, only to notice he’s distracted fiddling with one of the strings on his sweater. 

“I hate when one side goes into the sweater, ya’ know,” He rhetorically asks her, paying not even the slightest attention. Now she knows he isn’t the least bit fazed by the incessant gazes of people. 

The walk from the school to Kai’s house isn’t long at all, in fact he lives closer to the school than she does. As they approach Kai’s house, he takes out his keys to unlock the door. Halfway as he’s about to unlock it, the door opens from the inside, revealing Kai’s older brother Eli. Eli’s not much older than Kai though, about a year and a half older. Yet he’s taken on all the responsibilities of the oldest, contributing to why he worries about Kai so much.

“I’m glad I caught you!” Eli makes known as he rushes to put on a jacket. “Adelai needs me to pick her up from school. Can you cook for us today?” Kai smiles back and nods.

“No problem.” Kai enters the house as Eli makes his way past him and takes off in a hurry. He ushers Lilly in, like the gentleman that he is, or rather tries to be. The two take off their shoes by the door, and Kai rushes to the kitchen with Lilly following not too far behind. Kai is the one often left to cook for him and his family. Though Eli always gives him the illusion that he has a choice in that matter. He never used to be good at it, but naturally, he got better as time passed. He washes his hands, and quickly gets started. Lilly back leans against the counter, watching his every move as his hands move swiftly between the ingredients, seasonings and cooking utensils. She stand there in silence for a bit before she looks up at his face, and notices the concentration lacing his facial features as his eyebrows furrow with each of his movements. 

“Hey Kai,” she utters, “what are you making?” He looks up from the countertop and stares her directly in the eye. 

“I have no idea,” he states with a smile then goes right back to seasoning. So much for a conversation start. Lilly adjusts her position on the counter, leaning on her elbow this time. She places her face in her hands and looks away from him.

“Hey Kai,” she states again, a bit more serious this time, “have you ever thought about leaving this place?” He gives her a side glance she can’t see, he knows where this is going but decides to play along with her anyway. 

“What do you mean?” He asks, dividing his attention between her and the meat being cut in front of him. 

“You know, like, what if you could just leave. Not have to worry about anything and just, just go.”

“Even if I had, where would I go?” he questions her, trying his best to not sound cynical. Yet it doesn’t work. Lilly looks over at him and sighs.

“Nevermind,” she says, “forget I even mentioned it.” Kai knows her well enough to know that her question usually have a hidden meaning, but he decides that this time he won’t press the issue any further. 

“Actually,” she begins, “I have to tell you something, and you can’t tell anyone. Please don’t be mad at me.” She adjusts her position again, and stands up folding her arms. She looks down again, drawing in a deep breath to calm herself down. “My parents think that it’s time I get married. That I’m at a good age, a-and husbands might not want me if I get any older.” Kai stops what he’s doing to look at her face, he knows the look she has on her face when she lies, but she doesn’t have it. 

“Come again?” he chuckles dryly, he smiles because he doesn’t know what else to do. He knew from since they were younger that it would happen eventually, but he didn’t think she’d be so young. 

“I don’t wanna repeat it, please don’t make me say it again,” she responds softly. She feels her throat begin to hurt as tears well up in her eyes. She blinks them away rapidly as she refuses to let him think she’s being a crybaby yet again. Kai’s smile fades, realizing that she is in fact absolutely serious. Kai is about to say something when they hear the front door open. He bites back any comments he has and continues what he was doing so as not make their conversation known. As if on cue, Eli walks into the kitchen. 

“We’re home, how’s the food comin’ along?” Eli asks. Looking over at Kai’s handiwork.

‘Oh, it’s um, good,” Kai responds. To which Eli gives him a thumbs up and goes to check on Adelai. Kai and Lilly can both hear Eli scolding her to say hello to their other brother. Moments later Adelai walks in. 

“Hi,” she waves to Kai with her little hands. He watches her and comes to the realization that because of her ‘predicament,’ she too will someday go through what Lilly is going through. That she might be sold off to the highest bidder by their never-really-home parents. For the first time, he feels helpless. 

“Hello Adelai,” he feigns a smile at her and watches as she walks over to Eli to do her homework. He looks over at Lilly and a rage boils inside of him, but it wasn’t at her. It couldn’t have been. This shouldn’t be how things are, they should’ve been better for both her, and potentially even Adelai. He waits until Adelai is completely out of earshot and turns to Lilly. 

“I talk to you about it later,” he tells her.

Lilly sits on the bed her room later that day, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt legs folded into her chest. Her phone rings and she looks down to see who it is, of course, she’s greeted with Kai’s name and answers.

“Is it true what you said before?” he interrogates, “is that why you asked me about running away?” 

“Yes to both of those,” she say in a quick breath.

“Why would your parents do that? Don’t they care about you?”

“Kai, I don—” 

“That’s unfair and you know it!” he exclaims. Anger present in his voice. There’s a silence that washes over the both of them and neither of them know what to say. 

“I’m sorry,” she states simply.

“Sorry for what? You didn’t make that decision,” he says, attempting to calm himself. Lilly’s never heard him like this before, she feels glad that he cares about her, but is extremely concerned with the way he sounds. This isn’t the Kai she’s used to. Again, a silence comes over them, and neither one knows what to say. That is, until Kai decides to break the silence.

“Meet me in front of the school tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow’s Saturday, we don’t have school.”

“Just do it,” he pleads.

“Ok, I will,” she says. Her mind immediately races for an excuse to tell her parents as to why she has to go to school. After a few moments of mindless chatter the two hang up. She looks at the clock and realizes that once again, she’s kept him up past twelve.

She wakes up the next morning, if you could even call it that, after a night of restless tossing and turning to try falling asleep. Her head feels light and her body feels weak as her heart beats fast, she really didn’t like feeling this way. After going through her morning routine, she packs a bag with only a sheet of paper and pencil, then tells her parents that she’s going to tutoring at the school—looking them in the eyes as she blatantly lies to them. The distance from her home to the school isn’t too bad. She watches the birds and they form Vs to fly down for the winter. The school yard is empty when she arrives. As is expected on a cold Saturday morning. Kai isn’t there yet, and she takes this time to prepare herself for whatever he might say. No more than five minutes later, he arrives with a little bag in hand. 

“Hi Lilly,” he smiles at her as though nothing is wrong. 

“Hey,” she says plainly. 

“Thank you for coming,” he states, “this isn’t easy for me either.” She says nothing and simply watches his movements. He walks a bit closer to her and holds out the hand with the little bag. 

“Open it,” he playfully commands. Lilly reaches out a takes from him, she opens the top of the little bag, which was closed by a drawstring. She peers inside to see a little velvet box.

“Kai, no…” she whimpers

“I’ll marry you,” he begins, “I don’t you to be married to some creep who you don’t even know.” His tone becomes serious as the words leave his mouth. He knows full well the implications of what he’s just done, but he doesn’t quite care.

“Kai, no, I-I can’t.”

“Why not?” he states getting frustrated, “I’m trying to help both of us out! You don’t have to marry a stranger and I get peace of mind knowing you’re safe! It’s a win-win!”

“Kai, you don’t underst—”

“What don’t I understand?” his voice getting louder.

“First of all Kai, we’re only seventeen! Second of all, they already got me engaged!” she yells back at him, “I was trying to tell you before, but I couldn’t do it.” Tears now slowly stream down her face, “I couldn’t do it.” Her voice growing shakier with each word. She gives Kai the bag back, trying to wipe her own tears away with her sleeve. There’s no one around to see her cry at the very least, she thinks to herself. Kai’s face drops for the second time in two days. He walks toward her and pulls her into a hug.

“Please don’t cry,” he whispers softly, all traces of anger leaving his voice. He doesn’t have the luxury of being angry at her. He traces circles on her back through her jacket. She buries her face in his neck and sobs a bit more uncontrollably. At the end of the day, she was still his best friend, and would be there for her no matter what. Whether she wanted him to, or not.